The Last Tear

For Diali who requested a post while I'm not so inspired so I recycled one of my old poems :)

Today, a girl is shedding her last tear, coz she finally realized the awful truth that she's been missing
No matter how hard she tries, she will never be good enough for him....and her heart is breaking

Her life, her world, her everything drove away without a look back
Since then, all she's been doing is surviving, and a smile is what she lack

She forgot about the saying don’t make anyone your everything
Don’t let them have it all, coz then, when they're gone, you have nothing

As she's laying down on her bed, thoughts are running in her head
As she's crying herself to sleep, she’s blaming herself for the mistakes she made

Because of him, she is lost, confused, hurt, lonely and cant bear anymore the pain
Because of him, she doesn’t ever wanna feel this way again

And as her final tear rests on her pillow, she closes her eyes
And even when she did realize all of his endless lies

She still loved him like the first time they met
That was when she knew that loving him was her fate

She said out loud, as if he could hear her’ You are my Favorite Mistake' with a voice filled of sorrow
And as the moon appears sadly on her window her last tear dried on the pillow.

I just found this poem that I wrote few years ago, and it made me smile. It made me smile knowing that there was a time when I felt so down that I thought my life was over. This was a time where I left someone else decide for me, I left someone else decide of my happiness. And I am smiling today because I am stronger now, because I know I will not let anyone make these choices for me again. Because, I know I owe more to myself. Yes, I went through darkness and hell, because I trusted someone, and I blamed them for my pain, I blame them for my fate, not knowing that I wasn’t ready for love. I wasn’t ready for love because I did not love myself the way I deserved to be loved. And because of that, he did not love me the way I deserved to be loved. It takes time, patience and maturity to realize that. And thanks to Allah, I saw the light again; I was able to smile again. He answered my prayers! He gave me more strength that I could ever dream of and today I am a better person. Today, I am in a loving relationship, and I am not afraid to love anymore. I am not afraid to love myself with all my imperfections. Sometimes, we feel so hurt that we think that God has given up on us while it is all just a blessing in disguise. As of the person who broke my heart few years ago, I thank him for showing me that I was worth better than what he was offering me. Maybe, one day I will tell you the story of how we met and how we came to part away. But for now, just know that I am smiling again. They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and when you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. He was definitely a reason for a season, not a lifetime. The reason was to give me back my self-confidence after it’s been crushed. Indeed the good thing about being so down is there is nothing you can do but stand back up and keep on going. The season was my-come-back-to-reality-phase, my struggle between letting the girl go and welcoming the dormant woman in me. So reader, who’s your reason? Who’s your season? Who’s your lifetime?