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4/13/09

Thoughts, here and there....

Please make dua for Sister Najea who lost her father recently. May Allah forgive him and grant him Jannah. I also pray that He gives strenght and patience to Najea in these difficult times.

After not going to the mosque for about a month, I went to my Islamic Studies class on sunday. After the prayer, a new sister took her shahada, it was a beautiful and emotional moment. I welcomed her to Islam and gaver her my contact information. As I was looking at her, I thought of all the responsibilities she will carry on her shoulders from now on, thought about how much she will have to learn and adjust, and thought about her new journey, new beginning! I felt special that I was there to witness that moment and help her repeat her shahada....Maybe, its for moments like this that I should keep on going to the mosque even when I'm not feeling well.


I've not felt any fulfillment from my job lately. I just work for the sake of working, I don't feel passionate about it anymore. I catch myself daydreaming for hours at a time. Have I found my path? Is this what I really want to do for the rest of my life? So many questions,zero answers.

I called my brother this weekend and a girl answered his phone and told me my brother wasn't home. Should I ask him who the girl was or act like that never happened?

Tea or coffee for breakfast? These seem to be difficult choices for me these days...

Divorces all around me. Friends and family going their separate ways. Where did it go wrong? How can you be happy one minute and hate each other the next? Innocent baby, son of my friend, born to a broken home, what can I offer you?

I'm reading the Kite Runner and find some parts of it disturbing....

My faith has been going up and down, on a rollercoaster lately! I feel that something is missing, how can I get it back? Why am I asking all these questions, am I depressed? or Am I losing my mind?


I want to take yoga classes but can't seem to find the time to do anything these days. I need a vacation and it's only Monday Morning, 4 more days to go! Have a great week!



19 comments:

Cecilia said...

I´m sorry you are feeling this way! You might be depressed, you should be careful not to go to deep in that depression, then it can be really hard to find your way out of it, trust me I know from personal excperience. I hope you will feel better soon, insha´allah!

hijabee said...

Thank you Cecilia. I don't know if its just a phase or not, just seem to be very pessimistic lately! Don't know why I would be depressed though? ......

Mina said...

Habibti im so sorry to hear your not feeling like your self...May Allah have mercy on sister Najea's dad, and grant him Jannah Ameen...

Mashallah thats wonderful news about the sister who took her shahada:)

The job thing lol i can feel you on that i get like that sometimes but hang in there, don't go into deep depression babes have faith in Allah coz he is the best of all planners:) I know life can be hard sometimes but we can only turn to Allah who understands us deep within:)

Try and surrond yourself with friends and family as we all well know that shaytan loves those who are alone:/

Only 4 more days to go hun...hang in there sweety, love you loads:)

Habibti said...

as salamu alaykum im sorry you feel this way. yes mina said it try to surround yourself with family and friends. incha allah it will be fine.
i smiled at the thought of you callin your bro and a girl picks up. lol. you can ask him lol

His Sweetheart said...

Don't mention it to your brother! Let him take the 1st step!

You're just stressed out, you need a break

Diali said...

Hey sis,
I was coming over to make a comment and joke about something and there you are all serious, you are making me sad :(
First off, alhamdoulilah for that girl who took her shahada, may Allah make it easy for her inchallah. Last year machallah I witnessed so many shahadas and I would always break down and cry, I could not help it…my heart will fill up with my love for Allah (swt) and I couldn’t hold it…again, I cry at a lot of khutbas too :) I definetely feel you
As far as your brother is concerned, I would ask him if I was you…
Do not know what to tell you about work? Maybe you are bored!! Maybe ask your boss to challenge you more with bigger and more exciting project. You need to take a look at what used to excite you about your job and why is it gone?
Coffee, hahaha I am a coffeaholic lol
Divorce everywhere? Wow, that’s not good. All you can do is pray that it does not come anywhere near your household and pray for those people that are going through it and hope they are making the best decision they could possibly make… no wonder you are sad huh!!
Cheer up!! I miss that lively girl who only has mean things to say to me…e-hug please

Hajar said...

I can literally feel my own spirits being sunken down lower and lower as I read your post ...

Nooo~! Anyway, it appears to be a case of gloominess. Perhaps you should take some time off; do the things you love with the people you love in order to get some semblance of normalcy back in your life. Kite Runner was disturbing alright...

May Allah S.W.T place Sister Najea's dad amongst his beloved and keep the deen in our new sister. :)

Banafshe said...

I am sad about your feeling. I think you have a lot of concern about many things dear and it is more than a capasity of a human ,you think about all things an d you want to change all things ,don't you think you bother yourself about this ,my lovely sis, little by little walk .
Is it right my idea about your feeling?I hope it dosn'nt bother you(my analisis).I don't know why ?but I was woried about you in your absent.Allah wants us to be kind at first to ourselves and practice about this manner.
I said coz I Love you!

Huda Syyed said...

Salam3laikum, i hope Allah blesses najeas father with jannah ameen
eventho im totally new to this blog thing, i read ur blog and understand how u feel, cause ive bin going through the same thing lately however i try to be patient and recite surahs and keep faith in Allah, but sumtimes i do break down and cry my heart out, talking to a friend about it and changing things here and there and hanging out with friends might help. The one going through tht phase can best understand it.
May Allah help us all ameen :)
Huda

Lisa said...

I hope that things will turnaround for you very shortly, dearest Hijabee. I want to tell you to quit the job you no longer love because you should be able to go to work satisfied, but I just can't.

You really should stay put unless your 100% sure you have something else. Unless financially, you don't have to work. I've been unemployed since Jan 29 and there is little out there. In fact, I'm watching The View, and an episode dedicated to resumes, and they say it's an average of 4-6 months to find somethng.

Mashallah, the girl taking Shahada really makes up for that. So beautiful, and May Allah give her perserverance for her journey.

Maybe you should gently ask your brother what's going on. Better to know now.

I can't imagine that The Kite Runner can help your mood, until you get to the very end.

I hope you do get to take yoga. I think it will really help you dearest friend.

Oh Hijabee, we all have times of loss in the faith. This must be so weird coming from me, but I'm finding that the more I'm around our sisters, the closer I feel to Allah. And there are also little ways, like the cloud yesterday from a plane that seemed to spell Allah.

Inshallah it will all come back to you. I love you endlessly Hijabee, and am praying for both you and Sister Najea.

ipv6 said...

It does happen sometimes. Anyway me not going to say more as someone alredy did except me want to touch a bit about yoga. I know it might sound unappropriate due o circustances, but I take my risk.

Yoga is indeed the pride of Indians all over the world, and by all mean is a products of Hinduism.You might want to be caution about the yoga clases. Yoga as in their original form is not simply a physical exercise but also some an element of Hindus whorhishipping as well.

It's originally (and alway does for most Hindus)a form of worshipping and orientation (of the body) toward the sun god.

The phrases and chanting, which state clearly the worshipping of the sun god. There's many pharase that praise and submission to the sun god. Although in many part of the world the chanting that clearly spell their gods no longer been practice instead only expressions like: Um Hram, Um Hrum, Um Hraim survive, one might think what the big deal about this word anyway, well to give you some hint, when those hindus fought the muslims in India, when the right-wing Hindus destroy the Babri Masjid they chanting this words...

ipv6 said...

unless it just purely exercise without these thing..

Inspired Muslimah said...

Im sorry to hear about your friends father, May Allah sooth her pain through this rough times. Just wanted to say salaams sis :)

hijabee said...

Mina,
Thank you for your sweet words! I'm hanging in there and I have faith in Allah, so everything will be fine in the end.

Habibti,
Waleikum Salam hun. Thanks for stopping by.I will try to surround myself with family and friends, it's just that most of my friends moved and live in different cities now, so that kinda makes it hard!

His Sweetheart,
Yes I do need a break! You got that right :) Thanks hun!

Diali,
Thanks sweetie! I'm hanging in there. Yeh Im probably a bit bored at work right now coz I've been working on the same project for weeks and its not getting anywhere!

Hajar,
Hun I missed you :) Thanks for your sweet message! I will try to do just that. Take some time off and enjoy it :)

hijabee said...

Banafshe,
I missed you :) You're right, I think about a lot of different things and kinda get worried. I will slow down a bit. Thanks for your wise advice!

Huda,
Waleikum Salam. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I'm sorry that you're going through the same thing and I hope you feel better.

Lisa,
I hear you! It will be weird to quit my job while everybody's looking for one right now lol.Especially that I work in Finance which is where most layoffs are coming from, but you know what I might do just that and take some time for myself! I haven't done that in a long time. I hope you find a job soon if that's what you want! You should tryrecruiters,craigslist,hotjobs,... don't overlook anything.Thanks for your sweet advice as always. Love! :)

hijabee said...

Ipv6,
Thank you for your input. I guess I was more thinking of the exercise part and wasn't aware that there were some things that I had to repeat that had some connotation with gods. I only thought about the meditation part and connection between mind and body, but you're raising important points and I will make sure to check that out before I get involved in it. Thanks again for letting me know :)

Inspired Muslimah,
Salam sister. Good to see you here. Thanks for stopping by!

Yasmeen said...

May Allah grant Jannah to the deceased loved one.
Take it slow sis,we all go through such frustrating times,Inshallah you'll get the answers to your tough questions soon.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.Btw,yoga sounds very relaxing :)

Yayemarie said...

ca va aller sista on a tous ses moments de doute sinon on ne serait pas humain, ce sont des tests de la vie on y passe tous, je sais que ca ira , il ny aucun doute comme les saisons on change tous de couleur mais InchAllah la base restera intacte:)

hijabee said...

Yasmeen,
Good to see you! Thanks for the advice and your sweet comment as always.

Yaye,
Ca va? Thanks for your sweet words. InshaAllah, I will be fine!