Reflections

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death
they would be asked two questions
and their answers would determine
whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife.
The first question was, "Did you bring joy?"
The second was, "Did you find joy?"
Leo Buscaglia

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life in a manner
so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice.
-Native American Proverb

I took a pause these last few days to reflect on death. Three of my friends who are not related lost their dads recently, unexpected deaths, empty holes left to be filled.... We've all heard these stories, they are the stories of our neighbors who've been fatally attacked on their way home, they are the stories of the mailman who delivered his last package and succumbed to a heart attack, the stories of a coworker who never came back from her routine liposuction procedure....Common deaths,uncommon departures, different days, different people, but it all comes down to one ugly truth: we are all going to die.


I have to admit that sometimes, I fantasize about my death, if there is such a thing as fantasizing about one's departure. I think about what day of the week it will be.... Will it be a Monday or a Saturday, a Wednesday or a Friday, though I'd rather not it be on a Monday coz everyone hates monday enough as it is, so I don't wanna add my death to the plate, not that it will make a difference anyways..... Will it be in January or in September? Winter or Summer time? The first or the end of the month? Will I be at home, outside or at the hospital.....Will I die from sickness or accident, expected or unexpected death.. Will I die young or old..So many questions that torture my mind, questions without answers!

So, what if? What if I were to die today? What would I leave to the world? How would my friends remember me? How would my family remember me? What if? What if I died tomorrow, will you think of me? What would be the first thing that comes to your mind when you remember me? Would my life be enough to define me as a person, an individual, a citizen of the world? I questioned myself again and again. I think we should all ask to ourselves one question: Am I ready to die today? What if my hour was now, would I be ready to leave this world? What would my legacy be? Do I have some unfinished business? When was the last time I called my friends? family? When was the last time I remembered my purpose in this world....What's my purpose?



What are the things I'm going to miss? What's preventing me from enjoying those things or doing them now? Am I too busy? If you think you are too busy to do the things you are supposed to do, if you think you are too busy to take the time to reflect on your life, please take a minute off your busy schedule and think. Reflect on the people who are dying every day. They are old and young, teenagers and babies, they think they have some time left. They think the future belongs to them. Today, they are gone forever, the only thing that will be remembered is how they spent their life!


People will forget things you said, they will forget things you did, but they will never forget how you once made them feel. What’s your impact on the world? As human beings, people, citizens of a nation, we all have a duty towards our fellow human beings be they our neighbors, friends, family or just strangers.... We have a duty to make sure that we are the best people we can be. Like someone said before,a smile can make a difference in someone’s day, a helping hand shows to someone that you care, a phone call tells to someone that they are remembered, a kiss proves to someone they are loved....

So, my advice to you, to me, is everyday, ask yourself, what Impact did I have on the world today? How did I make someone feel better ? What difference did I make in someone’s day? life? If I were to die today, what would people say about my life? Will they remember me for the right reasons or will I just be gone like the wind, forgotten and never to be remembered...... Right now, at this very moment, somewhere,a woman, a man, a baby is dying. They just took their last breath....Will they be remembered?

Unfortunately, you and I will read this, we might even be sad for a moment but we won't remember...We will go back to our perfect or not so perfect life and everything will be more of the same, till something or someone makes us remember again....

The Aftermath-Happy Jummah

"Wherever you may be, death shall overtake you, even if you were in fortified towers". Noble Qur'an (4:78)

First, thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, duas and comments. I really appreciated all of them. Being so close to death, was perhaps a blessing, a reminder from Allah that I was deviating from my main purpose in this life. Sometimes, we are so consumed in our activities, families, jobs, school, the pursuit of whatever worldly goods we are pursuing that we forget the essence and purpose of our being here. This accident reminded me of that purpose. I think for me, it will be a constant reminder that at every point in time, the hereafter is just steps away....

After seeing the damage to the car, my husband quite did not believe my story. He thought there had to be more to it, than just hitting the curb. So, being the investigator he is, he was able to find the phone number of the gas station close to where the accident happened and was able to talk to the owner Tim who happens to be one of the people who pulled me out of the car. So, according to Tim, I hit a rock which tilted the car, and I then hit a tree and the car flipped after I hit the tree and slid a few miles on its side. You can imagine my surprise when my husband told me that, because the whole time I thought I just hit the curb and the car flipped. I have no recollection of ever hitting a rock, let alone a tree or of the car sliding a few miles after it flipped. My husband of course went to the accident site to take pictures of the rock and the tree just to show me:



I still can't believe that this little rock was able to tilt the car....


Tim said it was a good thing that I hit the rock first because that prevented me from hitting the tree right away. He believes the damage would've been greater had I hit the tree in full speed and from the front.



I still did not go back to the site of the accident, though my husband wants me to so I can get over it. I'm having a minor crisis of Agoraphobia. I am scared of walking down the street by myself and don't even think about driving. We're supposed to pick up my rental car today. I will see if I can master the strength to drive again with my husband next to me.

Jummah Inspiration

Some body asked Imam Hassan Mojtaba (as):

Why are we reluctant to die, why don't we like death?

"Because", replied the Imam Hassan Mojtaba (as), "You ruined your next world (hereafter) and developed this one; naturally, you do not like to be transferred from flourishing to decline."

Imam Hassan Mojtaba (as) said: The faithful people use this world to gather provisions for the next world but faithless people only enjoy the fruits of this world while living.

Imam Jafar Sadegh (as) quoted on the authority of Holy Prophet Muhammad (saww): What do I have to do with this world, and what does this world have to do with me? The story of me and the world is similar to that of a man who is riding on a hot day and reaches a tree. He takes a nap under the shade of the tree for a short while, and then goes on leaving the tree behind.

Imam Jafar Sadegh (as) said: The person, who is attached much to the world, when it is time to depart, will have many deep regrets and many grievances.


Imam Ali (as) said: You are the game that death hunts. If you stand still it will seize (catch) you. If you ran (flee) away it will overtake you.

I almost died... the longest minutes of my life

“Every soul shall have taste of death; In the end to Us shall ye be brought back" [Surah Al-'Ankabut, 29:57]

I've never been a statistic. Never had any major injuries,broken bones or stitches. So far, one can say that I've had an uneventful life without emergency scares or life threatening issues. All that was going to change 2 days ago on Monday July 27th 2009. It was supposed to be a normal day, I woke up, prayed, got dressed and my husband left while I was in the bathroom putting my hijab on. He walked in, gave me a kiss and said :" have a good day, I love you, I will call you later", which was our morning routine. I had an appointment at 9:00am and it was 8h30am. I took my purse, put on my heels and ran off to the parking lot. I looked at the clock on the dashboard and it read 8H35. I put the address on the GPS and it couldn't find the street, I then thought I was going to be late for sure, I kept spelling the street differently and realized I needed to put a hyphen on it and the GPS finally found it. At that point,my husband called me to tell me that there was traffic on Bethesda avenue & Bradley Boulevard, apparently a van was found in the middle of the road burnt with the driver inside and the cops and firefighters blocked the street. He wanted to let me know beforehand so I could take an alternate route if needed. I hung up and looked at the clock again, it was 8H40am and the GPS indicated an arrival time of 8H53am, I was happy, I was not going to be late to my appointment. I said "Bismillah Al Malik" ( In the name of God, the King), turned the car on and drove off. At 8h45 am, my cellphone rang again, I thought of ignoring it but looked at the caller id and saw it was my husband calling again, but the phone was on the passenger's eat and I couldn't reach it. For a quick second, I debated whether to pick up or just call him back later but I had spoke to him 5 minutes earlier and assumed that he was calling back to tell me something pertaining to my appointment. So, I decided to pick up, leaned down but couldn't reach it, so I leaned further and in that quick second, in that insignificant detail,the course of my day was changed. The car swerved to the right, hit the curb and flipped over. All I remember is seeing a brown light surrounding the car,then I heard screeching, felt the car in the air and next thing I know, it was upside down, on the roof. The 2 front airbags instantly popped and I could smell gasoline, smoke and heat mixed in the air. I knew I had to think fast, I unbuckled my seat belt and tried opening the door but was not able to. I tried again, and again, but the door was blocked. At that moment, I looked for my phone to call for help but the phone was nowhere to be seen since everything was upside down and smashed in the car. Smoke filled the air and I couldn't see or know what was going to happen. At that point, I felt helpless and gave up. I realized that I was going to die and all the thoughts that were running in my head were: I am 7 months pregnant and I am going to die on a random road, in my car, in my 20's. Did I pray this morning? Yes I prayed, did I know it was my last prayer? No, but I can't change it now, so I will just sit and wait for the angel of death to take my soul. I started looking at the window, terrified, thinking that the angel would appear at that window at any second to take my soul. I don't know why or how I came to that thought, but I really thought the angel would show up at the window and I laid there staring at the window waiting in fear. I wondered how they were going to break the news of my death to my family, husband and friends. I saw their faces, I wondered what they would think. I wondered what would happen to me.... I laid there and I wondered, I wondered......I heard people running and screaming towards my car. Couldn't hear all they were saying, but I heard them say: " we need to get her out, she needs to get out before the car explodes". They tried opening the doors, but couldn't, I could see them panic from where I was, I could see fear in their eyes and that made me even more scared. They were trying to save me but couldn't open the doors, some of them jumped on the car. I felt like I was gonna die right there as the car was going to explode and the Samaritans outside were helpless. I don't know how or when, but they managed to push me out from the roof, they were about 4 and did not give up, they pushed me out to safety, and Ifell on the road. They were strangers, and they saved my life. I don't know their names, couldn't recognize their faces, but they were at the right place at the right time and they did what they thought was right, they risked their lives and were not scared to get me out of a smoking car. Some of them were Hispanic, some of them were Black, some of them were White, they were all wearing a blue uniform of the gas station they were working at. They were strangers, and they saved me. They put me on the other side of the road and a white young man asked me to get in his car to wait for the EMS people, he did not know me, but he offered me his car and cellphone to call my husband. As I sat there and wept, several people slowed down their cars to see what happened, some even parked and came out to satisfy their curiosity. Some were pointing their finger at me, I guess explaining that I was the one driving the car.In less than 5 minutes, the EMS, firefighters and cops arrived at the scene. I was put on a stretcher and transported in the ambulance. They started taking my vitals and I told them I was pregnant. I could see one of the cops taking pictures of the car on the other side. The paramedics called Suburban Hospital and asked them if they could bring me there, but Suburban declined to take me coz I was pregnant and they did not have an Obstetrics unit. They decided to take me to Sibley Hospital then, which was kinda ironic coz I'm supposed to deliver at Sibley. When we arrived at Sibley,I was admitted and checked by 2 ER doctors. then transferred to the Labor and Delivery unit where they monitored the baby on the fetal monitor for 4 hours. I was then transferred to the Sonogram department where an ultrasound was performed and the baby was jumping and moving as if this was the happiest day of her life. They measured my amniotic fluid and transferred me back to L&D for more monitoring. I was later on cleared and discharged with minor injuries on my knee, bruises all over but overall in great shape. I got home, did my wudu and prayed to the God who saved my life. I couldn't believe I was home and praying. I am still sored and my neck and back are hurting but I can't believe I survived this accident. I keep playing it over and over in my head, and it feels like a movie, it doesn't feel real.... People keep telling me that I was lucky, but I know that it wasn't luck,I wasn't supposed to die on July 27th, it wasn't written. Allah gave me a second chance that day. He could've taken my life on that day but He chose not to. He chose to spare me. Maybe He was giving me a warning.I lived the longest minutes of my life, momentarily, my world came to a stand still. It made me realize how fragile this life is and how it could end in a quick second. It made me realize how I needed to prepare for the hereafter. What, if it was my time to die on that day? Was I ready to die? Are you ready to die today? It's never too late, we still have time to repent and return to Him before the Angel of death takes our soul coz then, it will be too late....

And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew. [Surah al-'Ankabut, 29: 64].

O Lord, arouse me to be thankful for Your bounty which You have bestowed on me and my parents, and to do good that shall please You, and admit me by Your mercy, among Your righteous servants.

Surah Naml, v.19

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.....

A Message to share:

~There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.

~So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end. It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
~Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

~So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
~What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave. What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

~What will matter is not your competence, but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. What will matter are not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
~ Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
~Choose to live a life that matters.
~"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give"

The Last Tear

For Diali who requested a post while I'm not so inspired so I recycled one of my old poems :)

Today, a girl is shedding her last tear, coz she finally realized the awful truth that she's been missing
No matter how hard she tries, she will never be good enough for him....and her heart is breaking

Her life, her world, her everything drove away without a look back
Since then, all she's been doing is surviving, and a smile is what she lack

She forgot about the saying don’t make anyone your everything
Don’t let them have it all, coz then, when they're gone, you have nothing

As she's laying down on her bed, thoughts are running in her head
As she's crying herself to sleep, she’s blaming herself for the mistakes she made

Because of him, she is lost, confused, hurt, lonely and cant bear anymore the pain
Because of him, she doesn’t ever wanna feel this way again

And as her final tear rests on her pillow, she closes her eyes
And even when she did realize all of his endless lies

She still loved him like the first time they met
That was when she knew that loving him was her fate

She said out loud, as if he could hear her’ You are my Favorite Mistake' with a voice filled of sorrow
And as the moon appears sadly on her window her last tear dried on the pillow.

I just found this poem that I wrote few years ago, and it made me smile. It made me smile knowing that there was a time when I felt so down that I thought my life was over. This was a time where I left someone else decide for me, I left someone else decide of my happiness. And I am smiling today because I am stronger now, because I know I will not let anyone make these choices for me again. Because, I know I owe more to myself. Yes, I went through darkness and hell, because I trusted someone, and I blamed them for my pain, I blame them for my fate, not knowing that I wasn’t ready for love. I wasn’t ready for love because I did not love myself the way I deserved to be loved. And because of that, he did not love me the way I deserved to be loved. It takes time, patience and maturity to realize that. And thanks to Allah, I saw the light again; I was able to smile again. He answered my prayers! He gave me more strength that I could ever dream of and today I am a better person. Today, I am in a loving relationship, and I am not afraid to love anymore. I am not afraid to love myself with all my imperfections. Sometimes, we feel so hurt that we think that God has given up on us while it is all just a blessing in disguise. As of the person who broke my heart few years ago, I thank him for showing me that I was worth better than what he was offering me. Maybe, one day I will tell you the story of how we met and how we came to part away. But for now, just know that I am smiling again. They say that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime and when you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. He was definitely a reason for a season, not a lifetime. The reason was to give me back my self-confidence after it’s been crushed. Indeed the good thing about being so down is there is nothing you can do but stand back up and keep on going. The season was my-come-back-to-reality-phase, my struggle between letting the girl go and welcoming the dormant woman in me. So reader, who’s your reason? Who’s your season? Who’s your lifetime?

Dealing with Stress

What do you do when you are stressed out of your mind? Sometimes, situations, work, school or even family could add an ounce of stress in our life. How do you deal with it? Some people deal with it by going on a shopping spree and are called compulsive shoppers. They shop to deal with their stressful life. Compulsive Shopping hides a more serious problem and is only a symptom of the serious issues people might be dealing with. Drug addicts or alcoholic just have different symptoms for the same issue. They smoke or drink to escape from their stressfull life. Just like they need a high to get on, the compulsive shopper gets a high from shopping. Shopping is not just a pleasure anymore, its more than that, its not a want anymore, but becomes a need. I know, because I too have been a compulsive shopper at times. I too,used shopping to get by or forget about stressful events. The truth is, after that initial adrenaline rush, after the euphoria of adding a new dress, pair of shoes or whatever it is to your collection, you are not any better. Just like the alcoholic will drink more and more, you will shop more and more without ever curing your stress. Why? Because you are not being honest with yourself, you are not tackling the issues, you are using something to get rid of the symptom, but not the desease.Stress, doctors say, usually comes from fear of the unknown, the future, and death. However, Allah (SWT) has already provided us with prevention against those fears. "And We will most certainly try you with somewhat of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits; and give good news to the patient" (2:155). The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "Your most ardent enemy is your evil self which resides within your body. If this soul is not checked, it will lead to unusual stress" (Bukhari).
From experience, I have come to realize that there is only one way of dealing with stress : It's to identify the cause and then work to reduce or eliminate that cause.
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water? "

Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, 'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem okay. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything'.
So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
'It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to have trust in Allah (SWT) and to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'

So, as it becomes time for you to leave office today, Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY' and have tranquility by putting trust in Almighty Allah (SWT).
Tell to your mind every day before you go to sleep: ."YAA AYYATUHAN NAFSUL MUTMAINNAH, IRJI'II ILAA RABBIKI RADHIYATAN MARDHIYYAH, FADKHULII FII IBAADII WADKHULII JANNATII". (Al-Fajr 89:27-30)"O soul that is at rest satisfied. Return to your Lord well-pleased (with Him), well-pleasing (Him). So, enter among My servants, and enter into my Paradise"

Even for super-achievers, you get more out of life when you learn to balance it. So as you are gearing up for your achievements for this Winter season, never forget to step back, take a deep breath and relax a bit. Leave the stress behind, and the next day you will move even further ahead because you have conquered stress, rather than letting it conquer you.

Allah Blessed me with

Yet another year! It's my birthday. You know you're getting old when you stop looking forward to your birthdays.
. Every night, before going to bed I have to go in the kitchen, open the fridge and get something to drink. So, last night I was really surprised to find a gift bag in the fridge of any places with my gifts in it. When I asked hubby about it, he ran away, so I knew he put it there for me to find it. The one I liked is the Versace perfume Bright Crystal. It has a sweet floral scent with fruity, musky accents. I also like that the bottle is pretty! It is classically shaped with a glimmering knob top that feels like a big jewel. Who puts perfumes in a fridge? But that was sweet.Also, we both took the day off so we can spend some time together on my birthday.
Now, I am taking time to reflect on my past, present and future. Things I want to achieve, things I thought I'd accomplished by now. To me, new year's is not the mark, but my birthday is. It is a time for thought, a time where I reassess my goals and question my choices. If I die today, what do I have to show for it? Who would notice? My parents would,my husband, my friends... but besides that, the world will still go around. Nothing will change, I am just a dot in humanity between so many dots. When they will tell the story of humanity centuries from now, noone will remember my existence. I will just be one of the many human beings who walked on this earth trying to survive.I want to thank God for giving me a good life,I count my blessings alhamdulilah, my parents for bringing me in this world and instilling in me the ethical, religious and social values that I have. I also thank my friends, and all the people I've met through my life who have inspired me one way or another, directly or indirectly. Thanks for being part of my life story!

The Alchemist-Paolo Coelho

What's your favorite book? Mine has to be The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I have read this book about 10 times and I know I will read it again. It's a book that always teaches me something.From beginning to end the author takes you to a journey that helps you to realize that life is full of surprises. He suggests that those who do not have the courage to follow their Personal Calling, are doomed to a life of emptiness, misery, and unfulfillment. Fear of failure seems to be the greatest obstacle to happiness. He shows us how we sacrifice fulfillment to conformity and end up living a life of void. It is interesting to see that Coelho presents the person who denies to follow his dream as the person who denies to see God, and that "every happy person carries God within him". However, only few people choose to follow the road that has been made for them, and find God while searching for their destiny, and their mission on earth. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend it.

You can start reading the first pages here & also buy an e-copy or a hard-copy if you're interested.


My favourite Quotes from the Alchemist

-People learn, early in their lives, what is their reason for being,” said the old man, with a certain bitterness. “Maybe that’s why they give up on it so early, too. But that’s the way it is.”

-The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny

-The alchemists spent years in their laboratories, observing the fire that purified the metals. They spent so much time close to the fire that gradually they gave up the vanities of the world. They discovered that the purification of the metals had led to a purification of themselves

-In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path.

-The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of this wisdom. That's what I mean by action."

-People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them.

-The boy could see in his father's gaze a desire to be able, himself, to travel the world -- a desire that was still alive, despite his father's having had to bury it, over dozens of years, under the burden of struggling for water to drink, food to eat, and the same place to sleep every night of his life.

-The problem is that they (the sheep) don't even realize that they're walking a new road every day. They don't see that the fields are new and the seasons change. All they think about is food and water. Maybe we're all that way, the boy mused.

-It's a book that says the same thing almost all the other books in the world say," continued the old man (Melchizedek). "It describes people's inability to choose their own destinies. And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world's greatest lie." "What's the world's greatest lie?" the boy asked, completely surprised. "It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."

-All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there.