Thoughts on Motherhood

"By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class." -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Someone once said that the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new... As ironic as it might sound, I couldn't disagree more. I don't think the mother is born at the moment the child is born. When Sumaya was born, I knew I was her mother because every woman who gives birth to a child is called a mother, but truth be told, I was just a woman with a baby nothing more, nothing less.



Giving birth was supposed to be the hard part, I sort of knew that but I was so under prepared for postpartum. Everyone said expect to lose sleep, so I expected that. What I didn't expect was the complete and total surrender to a tiny creature and her needs. The pediatrician gave me a book about the baby's first year, the hospital gave me a booklet for new moms and I spent days reading them. I tried to remember what I read, I tried the techniques,and finally I realized I needed to listen to Sumaya. I didn't need to read all those books, what was important was to learn to read her.



Once I understood that, I spent the next few weeks paying closer attention to her, her cues,her needs,her cries, and so on and I learn more than I could ever dream to learn from a book, the books make great coasters though. It is amazing that babies are born and know exactly what to do. There is a natural instinct for the child to look for the breast right after she's born and feed. It is the same instinct that is present in animals which allows a mother bear to know when her cub is in trouble and defends it with her life. People have that same ability, and scientists say it's stronger in mothers. 'They say that it is safer for a mother to sleep in bed with her child than the father. The mother instinctively knows where that child is and won't roll on it.'




So when does one become a mother? Is it the moment of conception? The first time you hear your baby's heart beat? When you're in labor, screaming your lungs out? When you hold your baby for the first time? Different women will give different answers to this question. I do believe however that giving birth doesn't make a woman a mother. Anyone with a uterus can give birth, it takes more time to be a mother. There has to be a defining moment when maybe you couldn't take your baby's cries anymore, when she holds your finger in her tiny little hand, when she gives you that look, or smile, when she's sick or aching, when she goes to school for the first time, when she makes you worry, happy, sad, mad or any other emotion that you felt at that moment, that's the moment, the moment that you realize that you're not just a woman with a child, you are a mother. It's the moment you realize that nothing matters more than the safety and happiness of your child. That's when you become a mother.



Yes there is a moment when a a child is born, the mother is not born yet. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new..Something that's younger than the child it bore......

My Birth Story

Thank you all for the wishes and congrats. The past few days have been great and tiring. Great as I am enjoying motherhood, tiring as I am trying to get used to my new routine and adding a newborn to my schedule. I'm adjusting to waking up 4 or 5 times a night for diaper changes and to nurse the baby. After a while, you get used to it and it's not that bad. I even wake up before the baby to check if she's not up yet. My husband has been very supportive as he wakes up with me and helps to feed her and with diaper changes as well.The first few days were a bit crazy as I wasn't sure if I was feeding her properly or if she was getting enough milk as she was crying a lot. But like all new mothers, there comes a time where you learn and accept that your baby will cry to express any needs that she/he might have be it being bored,hungry, wet, cold, hot, you name it, crying is a baby's only way to express their feelings. Though I was 37 weeks pregnant when I had her, I wasn't prepared at all. I was thinking that I had 3 more weeks to go and was enjoying the last few lap of my pregnancy. I remember thinking that she would be out soon and I wouldn't be able to protect her as much as I was protecting her while she was in my tummy! Little did I know that she would be out sooner than I expected.

Sunday was a regular day for me, I did not do anything unusual. Luckily, I packed my hospital bag on Saturday morning. I had sweaters in my bag thinking about how cold it could get in mid October. Little did I know I was going to need that bag the next day. I stayed up late on Sunday night, watching back to back episodes of Desperate Housewives, and catching up on all the shows that I missed during the week. I went to bed around 1h30 am not because I was sleepy but because I wanted to get up early the next morning. Two hours later, around 3h30 am, I started having a leak and wasn't quite sure as to what was happening..... I called my Dr and she said that I needed to come to the hospital and be prepared to stay there if they determined that I was leaking amniotic fluid. The ride to the hospital was quick and I was feeling crampy but it still didn't register that I was going to have a baby that day, I mean, I was 3 weeks away from my due date and I wasn't emotionally ready to push a baby out that morning. We got to Sibley Hospital around 4:00 am and I remember getting to the L&D room around 4h30 am. The nurse came to check me and my husband asked her what was going on as I'm sure he couldn't believe that this was happening and we were few hours away from having a baby. The nurse said matter of factly : Oh, she's in labor, she's 3 cm dilated. My heart pounded and I think I just died, came back to life and died again. Was I actually in labor? I thought one would know for days before they went in labor, I did not get any warning signs, never mind I was 9 months pregnant, nobody told me it was gonna happen this way. The other thing that scared me was when she said that I was 3 cm dilated, which meant I had 7 more to go and I could be there all day. 7 centimeters to go felt completely awful at that time.

Another Dr. from my practice checked me around 5h30 am and I was 4.5 cm dilated. He told me that his shift would end at 6:00pm and he expected to deliver the baby before then, hopefully during the early afternoon. I was thinking, crap, this means I will still be here in pain for the next 10 hours. The contractions went crazy after that. I did not have time to breathe between contractions as they were getting so close to each other, each lasting longer and being more painful. My husband's constant reminders to breathe were not helpful anymore nor were the ice chips that he kept bringing thinking it would make me feel better. I don't think anything would've helped at that time but to put me in a coma and wake me up after everything was done. At around 7:00am, I couldn't take it anymore, my pain level was a 20/10 and I asked for an epidural. Getting the epidural was not an easy matter either as the anesthesiologist told me I had to sit still through my contractions which was nearly impossible as I couldn't take the pain anymore. I went to hell for about 10 minutes and then it was all over, I couldn't feel the contractions anymore...

I could feel the pressure building up though as the baby was descending and around 11h30 I started feeling a lot of pressure as if someone was trying to rip me open. I told the nurse who checked my cervix and couldn't believe that I was 9.5 cm dilated. She called the Dr and I started pushing a few minutes later. My baby girl was born at 12:17 pm. The Dr. couldn't believe how quickly my labor went for a first time mother. All I could think was, Alhamdulilah ( Praise be to God), my baby is here and it's all over. The Quran was playing in the background on my husband's laptop throughout my labor and I remember the Dr. asking between 2 pushes what kind of music was playing and one of the nurses told him it was the Quran. He said it was beautiful and a peaceful way to enter the world. As soon as the baby was born, I was pain free. It's hard to explain, it's a feeling of relief and ecstasy at the same time. I couldn't believe that I was holding a baby, a human being and that I just became a mother!

Though I was expecting an October Pumpkin, I got a September sweet pea and I couldn't be any happier. Sumaya Yasmine was born at 7lbs,1.3 ounces, 19.4 inches. She will always be a very special baby to me because she made me a mother. I never want to forget the first feelings of love that I felt as I held her little body knowing that from now on I would be responsible for each and every of her needs. It's just an amazing feeling. I hope and pray that she stays pure forever as she will always be the little princess who made me a mother!